Hero No Electrician
by Andre Dmitri Garrett
Summary: "You don't know how to change a LIGHT BULB?" Samus's first impression of Link isn't exactly Link's finest moment. The two learn to respect and befriend each other later in the first tournament. Samus/Link friendship with, of course, a dose of humor.
1. Chapter 1

Hero No Electrician

As Samus Aran, feared bounty hunter, third seat in Nintendo, walked down the halls, she felt a smug sense of pride. Nintendo had gathered its greatest stars together to compete in a fighting tournament, and she was one of the twelve that had been chosen. She was the only woman that had been chosen as well, and so far she'd pounded any opposition whatsoever.

There was just one little problem. She was third seat, only ranked as third best in Nintendo's eyes. And that set Samus raging.

Why would the most powerful bounty hunter, undefeated in her exploits and contracts, be considered only third? Sure, Samus understood why Mario was considered first; he was one of the original Nintendo characters and had been stopping Bowser before Samus took up bounty hunting. Plus, he was the only one who had beaten her so far in the tournament. And Mario could pack a really mean punch for a plumber with a beer gut.

But the one who held the second seat… that guy Samus did not understand. In fact, it was safe to say that Samus loathed the green skirt wearing swordsman called Link.

She'd met him once, and that had been the only time she'd gotten any words out of him. Those words had been little more than, "I'm Link. Nice to meet you." After that, Link tended to respond with little more than gestures and single word answers. That was fine; Samus hadn't been out looking for a nice conversationalist. She had been looking to understand why some blue eyed kid, whose face had far too much kindness, naivety, and innocence at the time, outranked her.

What was so great about that stupid hero, anyway? She'd heard he had saved his homeland, Hyrule, several times from a magical tyrant. But that was the only good thing that Samus had heard about him. To start with, he was not the most impressive looking person. Period. Link wore a skirt, and a green skirt at that. In her mind, having a belt tied around it didn't stop it from being a skirt. And then he wore thick heavy boots that came up his calves. The practically of wading through mud was existent, but combined with his skirt he looked like a gay fashion model.

And he wore fingerless gloves. Samus thought those were the dumbest idea for hand wear, and so Link had another negative check. Not to mention that stupid, ridiculous, absurd hat. What was that? A stretched out sock that he'd thrown on his head one day? It wasn't even thick enough to keep his head dry or warm! Nothing the backwards hero did made up for his lack of wardrobe, including his big blue eyes… Samus shook her head, gritting her teeth angrily.

Okay, Link did have big blue eyes. But it was his only redeeming feature. He fought with a sword and shield. That might be high and mighty tech where he comes from, but here, at a tournament that was supposed to be the best of Nintendo, using a sword practically screamed backwards. Samus could end him before he even finished breaking into a sprint at her. What chance did he have up against some of the other smashers who preferred ranged attacks? Even Mario's fireball was more intimidating than some little arrow.

It was for these reasons Samus knew that she should be second seat, and not some wimpy teenage sword slinger. And when they finally that their match together, Samus was to pull a Mortal Kombat (which she had respected for its tough attitude) and finish off Link. That should prove to Nintendo that she should be second seat. Perhaps even Miyamoto and Iwata themselves would be there to promote her.

Samus headed towards the training room for some much needed practice. Without that dead meat Ridley to vent on, she needed something to keep herself sharp. And she wanted to absolutely crush Link when that time finally came around. She reached the room and her helmet picked up the noise of something slicing through the air. Samus frowned and looked up at the sign above the door. It didn't say anything about it being occupied, but she could clearly hear otherwise.

Gritting her teeth, Samus opened the door and was met with utter blackness. Her helmet adjusted, switching to night vision to allow her a view. Standing there in the middle of the room, sword out and in hand, was Link. Of course it just had to be the person she despised most. But at the moment, perplexity replaced anger. "What are you doing?" she asked.

Link blinked at her, or at a spot off to the side of her head. "Practicing," he answered.

"I know that!" she defended. "Why didn't you turn the occupied sign on?" His only response was a shrug. Samus rolled her eyes; the idiot probably forgot, trying not to noticed by anyone else. Boy had that backfired on him. "Well why are you practicing in the dark, then?"

He pointed upwards with his free hand towards the ceiling, where a single—but usually pretty bright—light bulb illuminated the training room. "It's out of fuel," he explained. Samus felt the urge to slap him. He had to be joking; there was no way the second seat of all Nintendo didn't know about electricity.

"You mean burnt out," Samus growled. "Then just change it."

"Oh," Link replied, scratching the back of his head. "Right."

Samus felt her temper start to rise. She had to urge to slap herself. "Are you telling me," she began, "that you don't know how to change a _light bulb_?" Looking rather sheepish in her night vision, Link nodded.

Rather than kill him there and spare him the misery of living, Samus stomped into the practice room, door automatically shutting behind her. It engulfed them in darkness, but she still had night vision. If Link even though about trying anything, she would tear out his spine and make a hiking stick out of it. That was, if he had a spine. He seemed pretty intimidated by her, which was how it was supposed to be.

However, Samus was not going to live down the fact that this elf outranked her but couldn't replace a light bulb. Forget that he came from a medieval styled kingdom; the Super Smash Brothers Tournament had been going for three months now. Furious with everything now, Samus stopped underneath the offending light bulb and looked up. Link didn't say a word as Samus attempted to reach for it. Granted, it was a little high, but that meant nothing. He could have fetched a ladder. Samus refused to stoop to that level.

Movement caught her eye, and she saw Link pull a hookshot out of his skirt. Where did he keep that? It didn't look like it had been there a moment ago. Trying to be helpful, Link aimed up and struck the ceiling, providing a way for Samus to climb up. But he must not have realized that he was the source of her irritation right now. How naïve could he be?

Samus grabbed his hookshot and yanked down, intending to pull it out of the ceiling. Instead, it brought a small part of the ceiling down with it. Anger only rising—that Master Hand would probably take it out of her pay, and he probably wouldn't even fix it afterward—she shot her grapple beam up. It attached as well, and Samus flew up to the ceiling. The bounty hunter unscrewed the light bulb rather harshly and tossed it down, letting it break on the ground. The training room was the only part of the mansion that was cleaned anyway.

Then, reaching over to grab a convenient light bulb, Samus stuck the new one in and dropped to the ground. She felt a smug satisfaction when Link backed away as her armor slammed into the ground. "There," she stated. If he couldn't remember that, she would kill him. Samus reached over and flipped the switch on. Light illuminated the training room, and Samus felt her temper simmer away. Maybe it wasn't his fault they wrongly named him second seat. Perhaps Link was just trying to escape with his life.

Startled, Link reached for the light switch and flipped it off and back on. His face dawned with a comprehension, and Samus felt her temper stop dropping and start rising. "You didn't know about light switches?" she asked calmly, clenching fists.

Link ducked out the door, running fast.

Fury raged inside of Samus and she whipped towards the ranged targets, picturing Link's head and charging a blast. But she stopped when she realized 'Link's head' was missing. The ranged target was a charred stump, with half an arrow shaft near the base. Samus's head swiveled to examine the rest of the practice room. Other ranged targets were also blasted away or frozen in giant chunks of ice. The melee bags were torn apart with sharp precise cuts. Link hadn't just been practicing in the dark; he had known exactly what he was doing.

Samus stormed out of the practice room, keeping her cannon charged. She was going to _kill _him.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Samus supposed that she should respect Link a touch after the incident in the training room. After all, somehow he had been able to sense his surroundings in complete darkness despite any sort of seeing aid or magic. She had ultimately decided that his battle senses had been fine tuned enough to sense what was going on around him at any given time.

However, the part that she ended up respecting him more for, was not only had he managed to escape from her before she could return him to the earth, but that she had not even laid eyes on the annoying green hat for seven days now. Even if she had used her suit's sonic locators, Link managed to get wind of her coming and was gone before she ever set foot in the room. Samus would always get the reply that, "He just left," or, "What did he _do_?" The last one tended to be muttered to the other Smashers than her though. Kirby was the bravest about it.

At first Samus enjoyed the fact that Link would scurry simply because he knew she was coming. He deserved it, and as his believed superior, Samus did felt a little ego boost that the second seat feared the third. It would help set the precedent of her being second seat when they finally did battle. But eventually it began to grow tiresome. Samus was human; she did have a soul. And she was getting frustrated of him running. Didn't he have things he should be doing? Everywhere she went, she began to wonder if she was interrupting something.

She ended up thinking harder, and the situation appeared even more complicated. She had seen what he had done to the training room. Why run in the first place then? He could have jumped her at their proximity and probably come out on top. Furthermore, why did he keep avoiding her? She began to doubt that Link was actually frightened of her. Perhaps he was doing this to avoid trouble in the mansion. He was supposed to be one of those determined paladins of the light like in old stories; Link might have known more about keeping the peace than she did.

Samus would blast everything in sight to keep the peace; he was willing to disrupt his schedule constantly.

It all came to her as she was sitting at the counter of their small kitchen (this was only a first tournament, so they were confined to a small but comfortable house; there was talk that a possible second tournament would include apartments for the Smashers) listening to Kirby talk about his favorite things. She wasn't really listening, but Kirby wasn't the type to notice; he could go on and on. He tended to be loyal to his friends, though.

Either way, Samus realized that she had misunderstood the whole situation, and that upset her. She liked knowing what was going on. She was also sick of not seeing heads or tails of Link; how was she supposed to beat him if she couldn't get any info on him to begin with? Ready to tell Link to knock it off—even if it took a blast to the head—Samus set out to confront the old fashioned hero.

Perhaps Link had some way of reading minds, because it didn't take her long to spot him. He was leaning against the wall, waiting in the shadows. "You," Samus called. "Get over here, or I shoot you."

Link did not listen to Samus's instructions, despite the obvious warning in her voice. Something about that angered her; usually people listened when she talked, if only to avoid being shot. Maybe she shouldn't shoot so many people but they did end up hearing what they needed to. Instead, Link shook his head, indicating he would do no such thing.

Then Link performed the unspeakable, something which set Samus in such a rage she couldn't speak.

He flipped her the bird.

Samus's jaw dropped, clunking against her suit. Fury, which had been carefully sealed away for the confrontation, now poured off the bounty hunter. She felt her face heat up and her suit actually recorded a change in temperature. Then it all came out. Samus tore her helmet off to kill Link with her glare. She felt the delightful impulse to strange him with her bare hands, and stormed towards him, steps cracking the floor.

Link didn't move as death incarnate came towards him, but only smirked, evident by his teeth in the shadows of the wall. Samus raised a fist to punch his face in as hard as she could, when something odd happened. Rather than move forward as her foot did, she was yanked backwards through the air.

Samus rather ungracefully hit the ground. As her hand shot out to catch herself, her eyes caught the glimmer of steel as Link had sliced at where her head had been a heartbeat ago with a type of dagger. He had tried to _kill_ her? Now he was dead.

Then Link raced by _her._

The bounty hunter did a double take. There were two Links? What in space was going on? She checked her back; it had been Link's hook shot that yanked her out of the way of death's touch. Did Link have some evil clone he had been keeping locked in the closet.

The charging Link had the Master Sword in his hand, sprinting at the Link in the shadows. The latter stepped out, and Samus's understanding of the situation changed. It wasn't quite an evil clone as it was… something else, something darker. Dark Link's smirk hadn't left his face as he drew his version of the Master Sword.

Link didn't falter, but instead something came from his throat Samus hadn't expected: a blood curling howl, worthy of a murderer. Link ended his roar as his sword slammed down on Dark Link, which was blocked by equal aggression. They hacked back and forth, each putting their hatred and force of will into their strikes. Neither gained ground but fought tooth and nail to secure footing, strike, speed, and any other advantage that could be utilized to kill the other.

Samus picked herself up off the ground and charged her cannon. But then she hesitated. She had seen violence and hatred like that before; she had experienced it several times. Link was her; Dark Link was Ridley and Mother Brain. Anger fueled her already burning rage as she remembered what Mother Brain had done to her, what had been taken from her. She didn't know what Dark Link had done to Link, but she knew better than to come between one seeking vengeance and his victim.

Their battle progressed. In a flash of steel, Link managed to disarm Dark Link with a slice to his wrist. Dark Link retaliated with a head butt and a knee to the stomach. The second seat of Nintendo didn't falter for his part, but instead tossed the Master Sword aside. Golden gauntlets worn, Link seized Dark Link by the throat and choke slammed him into the wall, leaving an imprint.

Something akin to blood came out of Dark Link's mouth, but rather than fight for his life, Dark Link only started laughing. Greater fury came over Link and he punched Dark Link as hard as he could, dropping the evil incarnation. Dark Link only kept laughing, smirking at Link, mocking his victory.

Link snapped. Taking Dark Link by the collar, he began slugging him, over and over and over and over. Through it, Dark Link kept smirking at him. Link's punches became more frenzied as his anger overwhelmed him.

Then an armored hand caught Link's hand as it winded up, and Samus pulled him away. She pointed her charged cannon at Dark Link and fired. Light illuminated room for a brief second, and then all that was left of the evil shade was a smoking crater in the wall. Samus smiled a grim one; the look on the fool's face had been worth it.

She remembered Link, whose arm she was still holding. "He flipped me off," she grunted, and let go of him. Link's anger, though corrected, was still too much for him. He let himself slide to his knees, face lowered and hands hanging limply at his sides. He remained like that for a while. Samus said nothing of it, but continued to stand there, hand on her cannon. She had been on the other end before.

Seemed everyone had demons; some were just better at hiding them.

After a long, pregnant pause, Link finally made a sound or motion. He looked up at the bounty hunter, eyes quiet and masking pain. "Thank you," he muttered. Samus made a tch noise. She'd never been good at these types of situations. She looked at the damage to the room.

"Who wants to be the one to tell Master Hand?" she asked. There was a silence, and she glanced back at Link. He appeared to have the same thing on his mind that she was considering. He got up as she dusted off her cannon, and they both left the room for someone else to find.

Later, Samus suspected that was when she began to lend Link some credit.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The weather outside was wonderful, and it was an excellent day for the Smash Crew (as Captain Falcon had termed them) to get out and take a well chosen bye week from the tournament. Link was no exception from the generally happy group of Smashers who climbed onto their specialized bus. Sword, shield, and a small collection of other equipment he had taken with him made Link eager to dust them off.

Behind him in the line to board the bus was Samus, who had folded her arms and was tapping one foot impatiently. She had snapped at Fox that the only reason she was coming was because she had to, but Link suspected something different behind that metal hat she wore. He believed she was just as happy about the short break as the rest of them were.

After all, she'd been one of the first to remind them that the bus was coming soon.

It had been roughly five days since he'd snapped in front of her. Normally, Link would have associated his behavior with someone giving him space. Samus, however, didn't seem to mind that Link had lost himself for a moment in his rage. When he had first been apprehensive about spotting her the next day, she only made a grunt and nodded her head towards him. If anything, she had been willing to tolerate him even more.

Link, whose journeys had been in solitude and hadn't forged bonds with many comrades, found it more comforting than most things he'd tried. The tournament was great for heroes to enjoy a sense of accomplishment, but it was more friendly and formal than the dirty scars they all kept hidden. They had to look good for the rest of the world to sleep safely, after all. Sharing it with someone was a burden lifted.

The Smash bus arrived, and Pikachu raced by everyone through a window. He stuck his head out and waved at them to get on. "Pika pika!" he cheered. _Let's get going already!_

"No problem there!" Fox agreed, and he stepped on. Once everyone was on board, the bus took off. Then it sped up to a speed that made Link clutch his seat. He couldn't believe how fast it was going! Epona couldn't keep up with this! Link let the wind from the window wave his hat around like crazy; this was plain and simple fun. Just wait until Hyrule heard about this thing!

Remembering an incident with a light bulb, Link's enthusiasm died, and he remembered that the others were probably used to this. He glanced around, ears turning pink. However, it was not what he had expected to see.

DK was shaking from the handholds on the ceiling, screaming for his life. Fox was puking into a bag, car sick. Pikachu and Kirby were clutching onto each other to avoid being blown out the window. Yoshi was halfway out the window, with Luigi trying to pull him back in. Ness was using things to strap himself to his seat like a roller coaster. Mario and Samus were screaming at the driver, asking if he was crazy. Captain Falcon was demanding why they were on the wrong side of the road; even _he_ knew this was bad.

Link shrugged; so maybe this wasn't normal, even for them. The wind picked up again as they rounded a corner, narrowly missing an old lady, and Link couldn't help but enjoy the exhilarating speed. Unable to help himself, he broke into a grin and shouted above everyone else, "Faster!"

The others looked at him like he was crazy.

When they finally reached the meadow that they had chosen for their day off, only Link was grinning as they had gotten off the bus. Behind his back, the other Smashers had agreed never to let Link use any sort of car, plane, boat, or even a bicycle. But as the bus left and they were left alone in the meadow with what they had brought, the sense of enjoyment returned.

And so the excitement took off. Pikachu stretched his legs before taking off to race around the field. DK and Kirby started setting up lunch, only to end up in a fierce argument about who got the bananas; they ended it by chasing after Yoshi, who solved the problem for them. Fox took out a RC plane and launched it, soaring the skies; Ness flew his own and tried to out fly Fox. Falcon began building an obstacle course with Luigi to determine which one was quicker. Samus went for a run in the trees.

Link pulled out his equipment, and handed one to Mario. Together, they sat at the bank of a pond and started fishing. They enjoyed the quiet for a while until a certain stirring of shouting distracted them. Curious, Link set his rod and headed over to see what it was. The cause of the shouting, it turned out, was not an argument but a horde of people cheering.

Luigi and Captain Falcon had set up a vicious obstacle course, and right now DK was defending his title as champion of the world against all newcomers. As Link reached the start where the other Smashers were, DK had just beat out Kirby, putting in a new record as well. Even Captain Falcon hadn't been able to maneuver as quickly as the giant ape, who spent his life in the trees doing this all the time.

He beat his chest, proclaiming his victory. Kirby floated to the edge and collapsed before rolling away like a soccer ball. "Who's next?" DK asked.

"I'll try," Samus offered. She had just come back from a jog in the woods, and her suit gleamed in the sun. Link watched, interested, as ape stared down terrifying woman in steel armor. Then DK gave a cocky grin and lined. Samus lined up next to him, and Link could just imagine she was just as cocky. Pikachu stepped up to start it off. He let off a spark, and the two raced off.

Link was shocked. Despite being in heavy steel, Samus was keeping up DK. Then she picked up speed and took off in a blaze of colors, leaving DK to eat her dust. When the race was finally over, Samus was the new victor. Not only had she done that, but she had beat DK's record time by a second. "All right!" Samus said, amidst cheers. "Who's next?"

It went silent.

Samus still had a persona to the others as an intimidating and scary person. No one looked willing to step up to the plate, and just when she felt a little sting, Link stepped up. He said nothing, but got to the ready position and fixed her with a grin. She felt her enthusiasm return, and she lined up next to him. "Hope you're ready to lose, swordsman," Samus warned. Link shrugged, that grin still there. Pikachu waited, and then sent off a spark.

They raced up the first ramp and Samus leapt to the second, only to see Link run on air. The hero grinned to himself as his hover boots gave him the edge. Behind him, Samus gritted her teeth and picked up her pace. Both fought tooth and nail, but then Samus got the advantage. Her suit boosters kicked in and she outpaced him jumping over a wall. From there, Samus clobbered him and left Link behind.

As she crossed the finish line ahead of him, Samus's helmet mocked him. "Not this time," she warned.

"Again," Link panted slightly, a little out of breath.

"You'll lose again," Ness called from the group of others.

"Again," Link insisted. Samus shrugged her shoulders and prepared to line up. Link didn't join her at first, but walked off to the side and began dropping off equipment. The Smashers gaped as Link removed his sword, shield, bow, hammer, nuts, quiver, hook shot, bombs, more bombs, iron boots, Biggoron sword, and a couple other things.

Link returned to the starting line, feeling quicker already. Samus stared at him; where did he keep all that stuff? It just came out of his pocket! She shook her head and waited for Pikachu's signal. He sent it, and they took off again.

This time, there was no contest. Even though Link was breathing heavy, and Samus felt her suit's energy measures kicking in, he had slaughtered her. She hadn't had a chance since the start; without stuff weighing him down Link turned into a faster version of Captain Falcon. Off to the side, DK was howling his misery; Link had beaten Samus's record by half a minute.

So much for king of the jungle.

Panting, Link met the gaze of Samus's helmet. He knew what she was thinking. "If you think it'll help," he challenged. Samus snorted and moved off to where Link had deposited his stuff. She tapped a few button, and then armor came apart, leaving Samus as unencumbered as Link had been.

There was silence reigning once more, but not for the same reasons as before. Samus kept her head high and ignored the stares of the others. Even Link couldn't help but watch as Samus took her position beside him. A dirty couldn't help but think that if she went to fights in her zero suit, she just convince the other guy to jump off himself.

Unlike the others, though, Samus looked at Link and grinned. "Don't let me trip you up," she hinted. Link felt himself turn a bit red and turned his eyes up ahead; he thought of some way to redeem the situation.

"Are you showing off?" he asked. Samus glared at him, but the blush was evident.

"Two times around," she insisted.

"Fair," he replied. They were going to run themselves into the ground, but it would be freaking worth it. Pikachu set of a spark, and they took off, each moving at equal speed. The other Smashers watched as both tore through the obstacle, each exhausted but unwilling to surrender the lead. They came around the first time, and still neither had managed to outrun either. Link was all speed and power, whereas Samus was fluid and… well, the least dangerous word that came to their mind was maneuverable.

They came around the second time, neck to neck, and then they _kept going_. Neither was willing to back down without any decisive victory, and so they went for a third run, breathing ragged and movements getting sloppy. Mario watched, concerned that he should break it up, as Link and Samus went for a fourth time, a fifth, sixth, seventh…

X

On the bus back home, there were still the threat of doom from a carefree bus driver. Back at the mansion, a couple of the others still traded looks about Samus minus her suit. But Samus didn't kill them. A few muttered that Link was a lucky guy. Link didn't chide them, either.

Both had passed out on the ninth run, their bodies shutting down in rebellion. They had collapsed, the same distance to the goal. Neither was going to want to deal with the soreness in the morning, but at least their pride was intact, a little. As they were each deposited in their beds to sleep it off, they couldn't help but wonder which one of them had gotten their hand farther.

Link suspected that was when he stopped fearing Samus and started respecting her for who she was, not what she did.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

If there was one thing that Link liked the least about the Smash tournament, it was interviewers. To put it in the most frank way that he could, they scared the bloody Triforce out of him. Five minutes was all it had taken to convince him that if their questions were to become weapons then even Ganondorf would end up pleading to be killed and have it done with. It didn't help that they had at first continually pounded him with questions about how he lacked technology wise.

A smirk crossed his face. He tried to behave himself, but it was worth seeing their faces when his 'old fashioned techniques' clobbered his opponents. There were only three people that he hadn't fought yet. Mario, who would be the last fight he did, judging by the tournament's setup; Pikachu, who had gotten a shortage and had to forfeit his fight; and Samus who he was scheduled up against next.

Reporters had also asked him really hard questions when they had interviewed both him and Samus together. Some of the words they used—such as symbolic meanings of feminism, dystopia, and the really confusing masculine dominance prospect; that last one had really pissed off Samus for some reason—were way over Link's head and he couldn't have hoped for even Zelda to explain them to him.

And so Master Hand, whom Link had quickly compared to Dampe in being a jerk of a floating guy, had arranged for Link to have an interview before his fight with Samus took off.

That was all that was on Link's mind as he rode on the back of Epona down the roadway entering to the stadium. Ahead of him, Kirby had gotten off of his warp star and was happily waving to screaming people. Above him, Samus's floating steel home was coming in to land. He flipped the reins to urge his horse companion on. Epona turned around to give Link a look of, _I'm going already, slave driver_. Link just smiled and scratched her neck.

She trotted nicely up to the carpet—Link hated walking the carpet, it made him feel too much like a noble and not the regular person he was—where Link dismounted. No sooner had he finished swinging off onto the ground than people erupted into shouts and cheers for the Hero. Link smiled and waved, masking his unease at being surrounded on all sides by screaming crazy people. _So this is how Zelda feels when she goes out for a walk_.

One group of fans was more mature about it in his opinion, and that was the collection of swordsman. They stood quietly, saluting Link with nods and their swords. Link nodded and saluted with the Master Sword in return, drawing a few gruff cheers from the more outspoken ones. It was nice to know that he wasn't the only swordsman.

Behind him, Samus's steel ship was landing, and Link continued to move on, smiling to himself as he heard the male cheering increase. Samus had been quite outspoken about that. Although, the Hero was confused when he heard several comments from female fans that left his mind dirty. He fought it off and moved ahead to where the twelve Smashers were gathering.

Slowly, the twelve of them gathered at the end of the carpet for a group picture—Ness stuck his tongue out and Yoshi followed suit—before heading inside to prepare for their matches. They entered the lockers to get their things ready. Samus and Jigglypuff went into the women's lockers, and everyone else into the other. This was where the guys—without having to worry about Samus killing them, just in case she was more feminine than they knew—could act without censorship.

Captain Falcon proved this within ten seconds of entering the locker room by de-pantsing Fox.

Fox responded by casually tossing Falcon's clothes in the shower.

Mario joined in by rat-tailing his brother.

DK let out a massive fart.

That ended it.

Link was filling his quiver when Kirby bounced out of the shower, smiling at the funny things the other guys had in their pants. "Hey Link, try not to get killed by Samus, okay?" Kirby asked. "I'd hate for us to have to scrape you off the floor."

"Don't worry," Link assured.

"Kirby's right, Link," Fox called out. "Samus may have buddied up with you, but she still packs a punch."

"Hey, he is-a ranked-a higher. Where's your-a faith?" Mario teased, pointing at Link. Fox grinned and pointed upwards instead. Link finished and headed out to the area.

The stadium was full as Link stepped out alongside Samus. They waved a little—Link more than Samus—and took their spots on the battlefield. Link drew his blade as Samus pointed her arm cannon. They waited for the announcer to finish counting down. But he never got that far.

Instead, screams filled the stadium as Space Pirates leapt from the crowd, coming down towards Samus. Link saw Samus's body language change; she went immediately from competitive to downright furious, already blasting away at them. One went for Samus's back, and Link threw the Master Sword, which purged and disintegrated the foul thing.

He leapt over and retrieved his sword, going back to back with Samus. She charged her weapon as the Space Pirates attempted to surround them. "I was ready to kick the crap out of you, too," Samus grumbled. "Largest kill count then?"

Link shrugged, even though Samus couldn't see it. Then he sheathed the Master Sword and pulled out the Megaton Hammer. "Why not?" he decided. The Pirates hesitated when they realized that neither looked apprehensive about the numbers. It was then that the Pirates made an observation. Samus had survived worse odds than this. She also had a companion this time fighting on her side.

That companion had one big f#%^#$%%^ hammer.

X

"38," Link tallied, as Samus faced him down. She frowned at him behind her helmet.

The stadium had emptied itself when the Space Pirates had shown up; in Samus's opinion they had missed out on a great fight. Link's sword work had been at its best while Samus had fired off shot after shot. The only problem they had now was deciding who got the final kill; Link cut his head off as Samus blew his chest out.

She put a hand on her hip and shifted her weight. "38 for me, you mean," Samus corrected. "My shot was fatal."

"I cut his head off," Link pointed out.

"Well, I was more fatal and cool. Cutting his head off is cliché," Samus brushed off. (In truth, she was slightly turned on by the blood spray that had hit Link's shirt, but that had yet to be revealed so no jokes were made concerning it. This is not breaking the fourth wall; it's breaking the fifth.)

The Hero of Time flicked the blood off his sword and faced Samus. They both thought the same thing. "You know, I don't need an audience to kick the crap out of you," Samus warned. "Today's the day I take your seat from you."

Link smirked. He knew that wouldn't happen in a million years; all he would have to do is whip out the Fierce Deity and it would be over. But he was willing to go toe to toe. He twirled his sword, heading back to his starting place. "Just because you're a woman doesn't mean I'll go easy," he warned.

"Good; it'll be better when I win," Samus taunted back. They braced themselves, and then took off at each other.

From the stands, Fox and Mario watched the fight unfold. The fourth and first seats were the only ones who had stayed around to see how everything would play out. In all truth, they didn't even need to give a helping hand. Samus and Link had taken care of the problem with ease. They should have expected that, but it was always relieving to see it actually done.

"So," Mario began, "Who do you-a think is-a going to win-a?"

Fox snorted. "That's easy; my money's on Link. Forget the teasing we did earlier. Link's unstoppable when it comes to protecting his seat. Not to say that Samus won't challenge him though."

"True," Mario agreed. They watched as Samus's shot hit one absorbed and redirected from Link's Mirror Shield. After another moment of silence, Mario spoke again. "Bet on how long it-a takes them to-a seal the-a deal?"

"Hm," Fox thought, folding his arms and scratching his ear. "I'm going to say it would take the near end of the world to pull that off. They're both too stubborn and awkward around that sort of thing."

"You really do-a have-a no faith!" Mario laughed. "It won't-a take that-a long! I-a say three-a months. Five hundred dollars-a."

"Deal," Fox confirmed, and they shook hands on it. Then they went back to watching Link and Samus's battle. They both ended flinching as Link endured a hit that would be the end of most men. When had Samus become such a dirty fighter, Link had to be wondering…

===After the Events of To Be Rated Or Not===

Mario walked into Fox's room, a sour look on his face. He pulled five hundred dollars out of his pocket and tossed it on Fox's bed. It took Fox a minute to remember, but then it came to him and he laughed. "How did you-a know?" Mario demanded. "What were the-a chances?"

"Come on Mario," Fox laughed. "It just took brains to figure it out. After all, this might be a prequel, but it was written _after_ To Be Rated or Not! I just went back and read my manuscript."

The plumber rolled his eyes good naturedly, until they heard somebody enter the room. Mario and Fox looked over to see a very angry looking Link and Samus. They held up something that made them pale more. "You know, we have our copies of this story too," Samus said darkly. "This is the part where we slaughter you."

Fox looked to Mario for help, but the plumber had vanished down the plumbing of Fox's toilet. The vulpine gulped as Link and Samus closed in on him. Foxpilot turned away so he wouldn't have to see the carnage. Dark Lord Link and UK-Underworld King were wondering where Andre was going with this.

Simply, to borrow a phrase from Soundwave 0107 about what happened to Fox at the hands of Link and Samus: poor Fox.

X

A/N: Why yes, NaNoWriMo is beginning to destroy my brain. Can you tell yet?


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